Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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