smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
