god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
