i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
