Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
