Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
The power of my boobs compel you
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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