All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Come share oat with me in your robe
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
