using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
