Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
