I'm drive I can fine osifer
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
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