in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Randomize
