I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
