Three words: puerto rican gang bang
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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