summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
