He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Randomize
