New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
