just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
