i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
You've changed since you got that strap on
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
