walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
