We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize
