I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
