she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
