We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
