It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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