So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
