so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
