I wish they made helmets for livers.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
