I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
