I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
