Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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