respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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