so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
