It's Friday. Sex?
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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