i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
