one might say we're banned from that church
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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