Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
birth control should be required to get into college
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Randomize
