i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
