I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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