I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
please come you make the beer taste better
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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