the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
