You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
