I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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