Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
how do flat chested girls get laid?
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
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