respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
