Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
