Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize
