OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Randomize
