whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
