I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
