he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Randomize
