As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
