Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
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