I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Randomize
