you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
This toilet bowl is my home.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
