...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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