yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
