Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Randomize
