put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Randomize
