HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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