He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Even my vagina gasped.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
